In the latest episode of Life Lessons with Betty Irabor, singer and dad, Timi Dakolo opened up like never before. The dad-of-three, who reportedly supported his wife when she came out to accuse a prominent pastor, Biodun Fatoyinbo of rape, shared interesting advice on family, love and marriage in this intriguingg episode.
About standing by his wife when she shared her story with the world, Timi said:
“It’s probably one of the most difficult things I’ve ever encountered as a man and as a person.”
“When we stand before the altar and the priest and say, for better for worse, I’ll be there, these are the times when they count,”
he said of the moment he stood by his wife after she told her story.
He explained that we all have things “unsaid” that “break us up and crack our soul” and he wanted his wife to be free from hers.
“I just wanted her to be free.”
Explaining her decision to come out, he said she told him:
“I want to say my truth.”
“I said are you sure, she said ‘yes’, I said ‘I got you. I got you when you don’t got yourself’.”
He said they sat down and discussed all the things that could play out when she comes out with her story after which he told her,
“but don’t worry, I will be here.”
He explained how he reached a decision to keep her sane by preventing her from checking out certain toxic comments on her phone.
Speaking of the first moment she opened up to him, he said he knew something was wrong based on the switch in her attitude that showed different sides of her. He said she’ll sometimes break down in tears but was reluctant to open up to him.
“When she eventually did say, I now said to her, ‘now I get it’. I didn’t used to get the switch.”
He said his love for his daughters enabled him to understand his wife’s plight as a young girl and he was able to stand in as a father for her and treat her the way he would want his daughters to be treated.
I became a father [to Busola]. Before a husband, I became a father.
Like, if my daughter tells me this kind of thing, what’s my first reaction?
I didn’t know what to do so I called a lot of people.
He said that as a man, he couldn’t get it completely so he called some older women he respects for advice.
Betty Irabor, the host of the show, was one of the people he called. He explained that at the time, his wife Busola was already seeing a psychologist and there was a little improvement.
He said that when he noticed his wife’s situation affecting the children and their family bond during that period, he would step in and suggest a fun activity to bring the family closer.
He also praised Busola for her strength.
“She’s stronger than me, I used to say it. She’s stronger than me.”
Speaking of the lesson he learnt from the situation, he said:
“I’ve learnt from this whole situation how to build over matters before I react to them and it’s really helped me as a person.
He said in spite of the backlash, he doesn’t regret his wife’s decision to come out with her story. The positives from the situation, he said, are the women who send his wife DMs saying her bravery saved them.
Moving away from the rape incident, Timi extolled his wife as he narrated how having to single-handedly care for their kids for one month while Busola was away for a course made him realize that
“women are really underrated.
He said he realized then that waking up at a particular time daily to take care of the kids
“is not by biceps or a good voice.”
He narrated a particularly scary experience during that period that scared him so much, after which he called his wife to thank her for all the work she easily does at home.
“I was just calling my wife to say, thank you, I didn’t know that this thing was like this. The day she came ehn, I slept like the world was mine and I coined that word that ‘a woman is king’.”
When asked what it would take for men to appreciate their wives better, Timi said:
“Just let her take a weekend off and you’ll get it. It’s not that hard. Let her take a weekend off and give you a list of things to do and by Sunday you’ll get it.
Speaking about being a man in an African setting, Timi said he always knew he didn’t want to be like the kind of men he saw growing up who believe in “get the money, drop it at home, your job is done.”
He said being a man is “synonymous with the word responsibility” and responsibility not only providing financially
“Family is everything, everything else will diminish as time goes but I’ve found that you have to take care of your family and you have to set examples, not by words but by actions.
When all is said and done, these are the people that got you.”
As a man be responsible and be wise. God keep our homes.